To Those Who Wait

“You’re just a lover out to score, and I know that I should be looking for more. What could it be in you I see?” Denise Williams, Silly

“Time has taught me that having a piece of man is better than having no man at all.” Betty Wright, After the Pain

“It’s only fair that I let you know that the man you’re in love with, he’s mine. From the top of his head to the bottom of his feet.” Shirley Brown, Woman To Woman


By listening to these song lyrics, I get the notion that females have been desperate for males since before we evolved from monkeys. And Rhonda wants to know why! First of all, I’m single and I’ve lived in Los Angeles for a little over four years. I completely, whole-heartedly, one hundred percent comprehend the viewpoints presented by women in the lyrics above. But at the same time, I have to gain a little back bone and say ‘fuck that shit’ to these songs. I mean really–what woman calls up another woman just to tell her to stop cheating with her (alleged) boyfriend so she can keep him?

I can categorize the desperation I’ve witness in two categories: there’s the woman who chases/stalks/preys on a seemingly great guy that has all the characteristics she desires in a mate (and refuses to accept his rejection). Then there’s the lady who accepts bits and pieces from whichever man will give her his time (knowing he is feeding you lies and/or you deserve better). In either case, the thirst is real and we will do what we gotta do.

I have even heard stories of ladies who are reading books (*cough cough*…by Steve Harvey), highlighting passages like they are reading the Bible, and wondering why they can’t find a husband. Bit of an oxymoron, huh?

Part of me believes these are unnecessary extremes as a result of the notion that all the good ones are taken. The other half of me wants to jump on their bandwagon to prevent becoming Carrie Bradshaw. What’s up with that?!

At the end of the day, girls, we must remain hopeful despite the odds and, uhh, what reality has presented. Just because you prayed to your deity for a tall, dapper fellow with a black Infinity and bulging biceps, doesn’t mean that’s what is BEST for you. So stop looking! Chill out, keep dating, and wait for the next man to come around. If he doesn’t sweep you away, then maybe the next one will. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one.

Yes. This is what I keep telling myself and, until I’m proven wrong, it is the truth. They say good things come to those who wait…

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Love, Honor, Obey, and Bullshit

Do you REALLY promise? Say yes.

Do you REALLY promise? Say yes.

After watching this week’s RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta), I couldn’t help but become deeply enraged with fury. For real! So y’all know I had to unleash it on the MacBook, right? Here goes…

First of all, I admire and respect the lovely Ms. Porsha Stewart. I see a lot of class in her, but I also see a small bit of insecurity. This week, the Housewives were upset with her decision to not go to the Vegas strip club with them. Porsha’s first reason was that Kordell wouldn’t be happy if he had known she was there; her excuse quickly became “I just don’t feel comfortable” in a matter of minutes (or so the segment suggests).

What’s the real reason? We may never know. Here’s the bottom line: Porsha wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her and Kordell’s marriage. Whether he is/isn’t okay with her going to see strippers is a totally different subject. But let’s explore the allegations of him being controlling. The ever-so-fabulous NeNe Leakes was QUICK to lead this group of ducklings in bashing Kordell. Porsha would be a fool to listen to NeNe in that aspect!

In my opinion, like breeds like. And if Porsha ends up ‘like’ NeNe by following her (unsolicited) advice, she’s gonna be unhappy and unmarried. None of the Housewives have grounds to say A-N-Ything about what Porsha should or shouldn’t do in her marriage. I will go out on a limb and say that there are only two legally-binding names on the certificate of Mr. and Mrs. Kordell Stewart’s marriage. See where I’m going with this?

Let’s not forget the basics here, though. Kordell is an ex-NFL player with money. Porsha brings a little bit of cheese to the table as well with her family’s foundation. Do they complement each other? Yes. Should she love, honor, and obey her husband’s wishes? By all means. Can this girl stand on her own without Kordell? Umm…probably not!!! However, I stand firmly in supporting his traditional relationship views.

If your man (as the head of the household, not just some long-term boyfriend) requests you to be at home with dinner waiting once he arrives in the evening, do that. If he says keep the housekeepers in check, do that. If he says it’s time to lay up and pop out all of my children tomorrow, as long as he’s the breadwinner do that. What’s the big deal? Porsha knows her place and I’m sure Kordell is content with it. Can we say the same about Greg, Peter, Apollo, Todd, or even Walter? Un-fucking-likely. Hell no.

I’m going to leave you with this thought—relationships are about communication, compromise, and contingency. As long as each person assumes their role, then less conflict arrises. When dealing with men, we as women must must must must must learn to take down our defenses if we wish to nurture healthy partnerships that lead to marriage. Remember this post??? Now shut up and go make love!

Rhonda’s Favorite Things 2012

Everybody gets a car!!!!!!

Everybody gets a car!!!!!!

I’m Oprah, bi-yatch!

Ok, no I’m not Big O. But the idea is pretty damn awesome, gotta admit. So in an attempt to be cool and famous, I’ve glued myself to Oprah Winfrey Network in efforts to gain my chance at winning something. Anything.

Needless to say, that isn’t going so well for me. So…in yet another attempt to be cool and famous, I’m listing my favorite things just like she did! But, I won’t be giving out anything to you mofos, though, except a few random gifts to my family members. I just want you guys to get inside my head a little bit. Anyhooo–let’s get started!

1) MacBook Pro (and basically anything from Apple). The people who create these devices are either greedy geniuses or evil antichrists. Take your pick. Either way, this is the best thing I’ve spent my money on all year. It has something like 500GB of storage space so I have plenty of room to store my awesome music collection and natural hair pictures. I could go on. Basically if you don’t have one, then you’re losing. If you already own a Mac, then you’re going to hell with me for supporting this giant antichrist. #winning

apple-macbook-pro

2) Aeropostale sweats. I don’t know if they are made from butter-enhanced wool and cotton, but they sure feel like it. It is by far the most comfortable sweatsuit I’ve ever owned. Did I wear these all through high school and college when they were “in?” No. Don’t judge me, I running a little late for everything. But on the days where I want a little less booty jiggle visibility (i.e. while wearing velour sweatsuits), these are the remedy. And I caught them on sale during Black Friday.

Aero Sweats

3) Ta Boom Brazilian Food Truck’s Straganoff Burrito. Yes you read that correctly. One sweet day in LA, I had a super empty stomach. I craved something filling, like Mexican food, but who really WANTS Mexican? Exactly. This food truck pulled up to our office and a smile hit my face. Not only was I offered a full serving of Chicken Straganoff, but they would roll it into a burrito along with rice. You know what that’s called? #winning

burrito

4) Four Seasons Resort Maui. THE definition of luxurious vacation. Was I on vacay? No. I was working. But that doesn’t discredit this place’s magnificent views, superb restaurants, and hardworking concierge service. All rooms feature satellite radio built into the wall of the bathroom (which was basically built for *cough, cough* honeymoon sex…) and a terrycloth robe. I didn’t want to leave the room except to lay by the pool and be served margaritas.

FSMaui

5) Jordan Retro #9 My first pair. This means I’m no longer a Jordan-virgin and now I’m addicted. My collection is building rather nicely. More to come, so stay tuned.

jordan 9

6) American Apparel leggings. I got my first pair in 2008 and they still fit the same. This calls for a celebration, and by that I mean purchasing more leggings. For my ladies out there who know how difficult it is to find a good pair that isn’t too tight on the waist, doesn’t show through to your panties, and has a decent amount of Spandex to hold you in…I’ve found the solution. Look no further! And at $15 a pair & every color ever, feel free to splurge a little. I have black, grey, teal, purple, and red.

american apparel leggings

7) MAC Studio Fix Powder. I’m not really big on makeup, bur for special occasions, I do dab a little in painting my face. And I’ve gotten pretty decent at doing so. My absolute go-to is this powder. Why? Because it can be used on a clean face, versus on top of foundation and still get the job done. Plus, after just a few swipes, I achieve the look I need without feeling clownish. For better coverage and blending, use a kabuki brush (not the sponge applicator which makes it look caked on).

mac studio fix

macface

8) Delta Airlines ginger cookies by Biscoff. Simply a little taste of heaven. That’s it.

deltacookies

9) EDEN Bodyworks Temple Balm. Got an itchy scalp? Thinning edges? Looking for a light pomeade? Well this product does all of it. Doesn’t contain mineral oil or other heavy products that cause build up on the scalp. And it leaves you with a tingling sensation from a key ingredient: peppermint oil. Try it out, let me know what you think.

templebalmsm

Let’s Talk About Men

Drake & Chris Brown are beefing? Kroy Bierman is still married to Kim? All the sisters of Tina & Erica (aka Mary Mary) are in happy, monogamous relationships? These headlines sound crazy, but they’re what I found circulating the news recently. And with Father’s Day just behind us, it made me start thinking about the men in general and the men in my life.

I’m not sure if I’m one of those women with ‘daddy issues’, but to answer your question, no, I don’t have a relationship with him. Haven’t seen it have much of an impact on my encounters with guys I’m dating, either. But the idea of Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day for that matter) sort of makes me gag! Sue me. I just think that fathers around the nation want something more than a barbecue & and new necktie on a hot Sunday in June.

I’ve also learned in my twenty-something years of life that men are quite simple. Ask any guy if a beer, some chips, and the remote control is a remedy for just about anything. It entertains me how women spend so much time writing books (or reading Steve Harvey’s book), writing articles, and pressing the age-old issue of what do men want? I figure they just want to be left alone! Watch this:

1) You’ve been hounding your man for weeks about his plans for Valentine’s Day. You’ve been throwing hints since Halloween about what you want to do, but he still hasn’t set anything in stone. And being the thoroughly efficient planner that you are, this is torture. My answer? Leave it alone, let the man figure it out.

2) Your guy is in between jobs. He’s torn between pursuing his passion & actually bringing in steady paychecks. He has a few leads that could possibly turn his dream into reality, but he thinks quitting his job will disappoint you. My solution? Leave it alone, let the man figure it out.

3) Your co-worker introduced you to a great guy outside of work. You see that he’s a pretty good catch, but feel like he has a hard time finding balance in his life. Seems like he’s always trying to squeeze in time for dates while juggling his other stuff. He says he’s interested, but you’re not so sure. My answer? You guessed. Let this guy figure it out.

One thing I know for sure is that us as women try to play God with a magic wand. LIke we can wave our hand, snap our fingers, and make things come to life. Simply not true, especially when it comes to men. They just operate on a different system than we do (like OS X versus Windows 7). However, Rhonda thinks that if we back off, let these guys perform on their own for just once, then we might be [positively] shocked. Note: this is my explanation for how/why someone all the way across the map sent me flowers. Guys have tricks up their sleeves, too. We just need to let them pull the rabbit out of the hat on their own.

#My2cents

Got A Lot Of Earrings? Easy Organizer

can never have too many

I’m all for practical solutions to everyday problems. And for ladies like myself who love to accessorize, finding efficient ways to organize all your jewelry becomes challenging. For me, earrings were a problem. I need them all (yes need) and I continue to buy more until one day…I’ll eventually end up with 365 pair. And then some.

Anyway, I saw this idea posted on another blog and decided to give it a try. I used these splatter screens from Target for about $5 per pair. I made sure to get the cheap ones because the wires move/adjust to the size of my earring part-that-goes-in-your-ear-hole. The $15 ones are a bit more sturdy, but have less holes. To secure it to the wall, I used white plastic hooks (like the ones to hang Christmas decor). And if you look closely, the little green bags have my earring-backs (on the left) and smaller studs and clip-ons in the other (on the right).

Not a bad idea! And in case you’re wondering, yes, I’ve bought a 3rd screen since then. Love my earrings.

Twenty-inch Blades on the Impala

I’ve been cursed with the gift of stupid intelligence. That means I can figure out the square root of -1 in less than five seconds, and maybe even invent the world’s first triangular wheel. But my stupidity comes into play because I can never answer the ‘why’ or ‘how’. For example, duh, when cool air meets warm air, it creates a tornado. But how? Does the warm air never get the chance to cool down before it meets cold air? And vice versa? Why doesn’t the tornado make it out of the Great Plains area to places like California? I’m so smart, but I always wonder way too much and that creates stupid questions.

My biggest headache is trying to decode the lives of groupies, rich guys’ girlfriends/wives, and the like. I’m puzzled! I can not–for the life of me–figure out what makes a woman abandon her goals and dreams for instant (or long term) gratification ’cause I know it ain’t love. Put on your seatbelts; I’m about to go there.

Ever heard of NBA All-Star Weekend? Good. So I don’t need elaborate on why it’s nicknamed The Gold-Digger Convention. Chicks spend their time, money, and hard-earned resources to get dolled up in hopes of snagging a baller. And I use the term baller lightly ’cause that major league money is bound to run out & he’ll need another source of income (see: Magic Johnson or Bob Whitfield). Women attend all the parties with the hottest stars, you know nobody goes to the game, and the ultimate goal is what? To wiggle your way into VIP for free drinks? Or the notion that somebody like Rick Ross or Russell Westbrook will wife you for the night? You mean to tell me all that’s all they want? It can’t be.

Let’s just say, ok, Russell sees you from afar and invites you to his booth. Score: liquor and some dark, blurry pics. He’s so captivated by you that he wants to take you out the next day, so you give him your number. That date leads to several dates, and he eventually proposes. Follow this picture I’m painting… Years later you’re living the high life with 2.5 kids by him and all the luxuries your closet can hold. Marble kitchen counters, manicured lawns, Louis bags, and all that jazz. Congratulations! On the outside, it seems you’ve gotten everything many people only wish for. Who knows what’s REALLY going on behind closed doors, though.

But now what? What do you do all day? Where’s your job? What happens when Russell retires and your vag dries up, how will you sustain? Do a lot of people comment on the pictures when you upload them to Facebook? Are you happy that the losing women might be jealous of you? I seriously don’t get it.

Let’s not forget the pretend-ballers also. These are the guys who get girls by association. They “look” the part, or they were seen “hanging” with Drake. Nah, son. Women don’t really like you, you just smell good and might get them closer to Drake. (Note: they ALL wear great cologne, trust me. It helps them get more cooch). Now that I think about it…the pretend-ballers are the real winners here. But back to my point.

All that glitters isn’t gold, but I’m convinced I’m missing the bigger picture. It’s the reason so many NFL’ers have multiple kids my multiple women in multiple states. And I overuse “multiple” because they’ve gone beyond 2 or 3. It’s the reason shows like Basketball Wives and Love & Hip Hop are even created. Hell, it’s probably the reason springtime tax refunds produces Christian Louboutins in the projects.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m on a quest for knowledge. I’ve got to get closer to them. I need to interview the gold-diggers just so I can sleep better through the night. It makes my stomach turn, flip, and flop to know that there are chicks who thrive in these I-Might-Land-A-Baller environments! All I can say is, “Man up and buy your own damn drink.”

Sidenote: the Child Tax Credit is about to be sliced next year by 50% so that you only get $500 per eligible child vs. $1000. Did y’all know that? Crooks, pay attention, and check the news. The government is finding creative ways to fund EBT and unemploymen! Don’t shoot the messenger.

 

 

Panty Problems? Solved.

I don’t support hoes. However, I do support hoe tendencies. I consider myself to be a rather classy woman, but sometimes…at certain moments…my inner-hoe (her name is Trixie) comes out. Allow me to explain.

There are RULES to being a classy woman in public. One of these rules is that underwear should remain under where? Under your clothes. At no point should a man (or anyone in public) be able to guess what color they are, see them through anything, or even guess what type of cut they are! The point, the blank, the period. I know some of you ladies out there have huge knockers, so the jury is still out on how to handle bra issues. But when it comes to panties? The verdict is in: take them off and they won’t show! Please note none of the following applies to my plus-sized fashionistas. For you all, the answer to every dilemma is Spanx and more Spanx (if I’m wrong, leave a note in the comments section).

LEGGINGS

Problem: This one is major. Personally, I’ve gone back and forth in my mind on how to deal with hiding panties while wearing leggings. If you wear boyshorts or cheeksters, then your panty-lines show. And briefs are definitely out of the question. If you wear a thong, either the imprint shows or in many cases, your cheeks show through the thin material. Major no-no (this girl was at the gym in leggings and clearly wasn’t wearing any under garments at all. You know we can see your flower bomb through those things!). We shouldn’t see your crack in broad daylight.

Solution: There are a couple of options in this case. If they’re really thin leggings, double up. Wear some black or brown tights underneath and they provide a good barrier for thongs or cheeksters. They also give the necessary protection so you can go commando without your camel toe peeking. Or you can just cough up the money for a nice, thicker pair of leggings. You know, the kind that gives great cellulite control. Some of these can be worn with lace-back or lace trim panties and you’re good to go.

JEANS

Problem: Undies like to poke from the top of low-rise jeans. Very distasteful. And jeans are a go-to for that time of the month, so we need a great pair of strong soldiers underneath to handle the day. No one said being classy is easy, but it’s understood that panty lines must not show through.

Solution: In this case, I recommend boyshorts or cheeksters. There are some good brands of seamless briefs that will do the trick, however, so invest in a good pair. And thank me later. For my edgy girls, thongs will cooperate with jeans but they’ve got to be low-rise. If you’re not in a Britney Spears video, then thongs shouldn’t be revealed when you sit down or bend over.

DRESSES

Problem: You have a banging dress that hugs your body the way you want it. It’s a guaranteed winner in the game of catching husbands (Note that Rhonda Mae does not condone adultery in any situation). But the fabric isn’t friendly to any cut of panties so that the lining shows or you can see underwear through the dress.

Solution: Take them off. That doesn’t mean we should see your crack (refer to ‘leggings’ above) through your dress either. If we do, then I’m afraid your hoe tendencies are too extreme for this post. But please note that this also doesn’t apply to “t-shirt dresses,” ones you know are way too short and you flash flower bombs with each step. No-no boo-boo.

Of course my solutions aren’t set in stone, but they definitely prove to be winners on my end. And all of the above mentioned garments can be purchased at Victoria’s Secret. But at the end of the day, if all else fails what do you do? Let your inner hoe shine through and be open to a good inner-thigh breeze!

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