Let’s Talk About Men

Drake & Chris Brown are beefing? Kroy Bierman is still married to Kim? All the sisters of Tina & Erica (aka Mary Mary) are in happy, monogamous relationships? These headlines sound crazy, but they’re what I found circulating the news recently. And with Father’s Day just behind us, it made me start thinking about the men in general and the men in my life.

I’m not sure if I’m one of those women with ‘daddy issues’, but to answer your question, no, I don’t have a relationship with him. Haven’t seen it have much of an impact on my encounters with guys I’m dating, either. But the idea of Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day for that matter) sort of makes me gag! Sue me. I just think that fathers around the nation want something more than a barbecue & and new necktie on a hot Sunday in June.

I’ve also learned in my twenty-something years of life that men are quite simple. Ask any guy if a beer, some chips, and the remote control is a remedy for just about anything. It entertains me how women spend so much time writing books (or reading Steve Harvey’s book), writing articles, and pressing the age-old issue of what do men want? I figure they just want to be left alone! Watch this:

1) You’ve been hounding your man for weeks about his plans for Valentine’s Day. You’ve been throwing hints since Halloween about what you want to do, but he still hasn’t set anything in stone. And being the thoroughly efficient planner that you are, this is torture. My answer? Leave it alone, let the man figure it out.

2) Your guy is in between jobs. He’s torn between pursuing his passion & actually bringing in steady paychecks. He has a few leads that could possibly turn his dream into reality, but he thinks quitting his job will disappoint you. My solution? Leave it alone, let the man figure it out.

3) Your co-worker introduced you to a great guy outside of work. You see that he’s a pretty good catch, but feel like he has a hard time finding balance in his life. Seems like he’s always trying to squeeze in time for dates while juggling his other stuff. He says he’s interested, but you’re not so sure. My answer? You guessed. Let this guy figure it out.

One thing I know for sure is that us as women try to play God with a magic wand. LIke we can wave our hand, snap our fingers, and make things come to life. Simply not true, especially when it comes to men. They just operate on a different system than we do (like OS X versus Windows 7). However, Rhonda thinks that if we back off, let these guys perform on their own for just once, then we might be [positively] shocked. Note: this is my explanation for how/why someone all the way across the map sent me flowers. Guys have tricks up their sleeves, too. We just need to let them pull the rabbit out of the hat on their own.


Cockiness. Persuasion. Umbrella.

Last weekend, some friends and I were in the car listening to Rihanna’s new CD “Talk That Talk.” Now, I’m not one to buy albums, but due to the recent influx of my time in traffic, I’ve shuffled through my iPod’s 600+ songs three times.

One track on Rihanna’s CD is called Cockiness (Love It). When I first heard the song, I was alone in the car and the beat caught me, so I blasted it paying no attention to what I was saying. Now that me & my buddies are riding, I’m singing the chorus, “Suck my cockiness, lick my persuasion…I love it–love it–love it when you eat it.” *PAUSE* What did you just say, Ri Ri?

Maybe I’m naive (I’ll go back to this point) but I don’t remember Rihanna being a sex symbol. I literally thought she was talking about a real umbrella years ago! I’m kidding, I understood the metaphor, but you get my point. But why did her lyrics shoot over my head to where I didn’t notice it, and my friends in the car are like “Rhonda, I didn’t know you listened to this kind of music!” Well, I don’t (60% of the time). It just gets me through traffic. Similar to R.Kelly’s “TP-Fourth Quarter”. Hmm.

Flashback to one of my most naive moments to date; I’m at a superbowl party inside a restaurant in downtown LA. A male friend invited me, but I arrived before he did. I noticed the crowd was way more mature that me, but I’m already here, right? Grabbed an empty seat at a table & ordered a glass of wine with some hot wings. Don’t judge me.

The room starts to fill and there are people standing behind me looking for a place to sit. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a man’s chest. A rather toned chest & glorious biceps/triceps to go with it. Behind him was his sidekick, let’s call him New Boy. Part of me just wanted to stare like I always do, but THEY say that’s why I’m still single. So I invited Chest and New Boy to sit down at my table.

Chest appeared to be around 30 and New Boy did not look a day over 21. And they didn’t look alike, so now I’m wondering how they’re acquainted.

Me: “Hi, I’m Rhonda.” *firm handshake*

Chest: “I’m _____. And this is my homie _____.” *returns firm handshake*

Me: “Nice to meet y’all. So who are you rooting for today, Giants or Pats?”

Chest: “Well I could care less either way, I’m from St. Louis. I don’t go for either of these teams.”

Me: “HEY! St. Louis in the building, what high school did you go to???”

Our convo took a turn for the better, from our hard times adjusting to bougie LA and back to growing up in urban STL. Now, I really like Chest.

Me: “So what brings you and your friend here?”

Chest: “This is my neo, he just crossed. We’re Kappas. I live here, but he just came to kick it with me this weekend.”

My face dropped. It probably displayed my complete and utter disgust for Kappas. I mentally crossed Chest off my To Date List. Nevertheless, I enjoyed his company, flirting with him, and even twirkin’ on the dance floor (any restaurant with a DJ becomes a club-scene as liquor settles in!). The night is over, he walks me to the parking lot.

It’s been hours now that me & Chest have gotten familiar with each other. I find out that he moved here to pursue marketing/TV hosting/Olympics/whatever comes (aka he has no focus). I’m somewhat turned off, but his pecks kept winking at me.  We exchanged numbers once I got to my vehicle. He asks if I’m free for dinner tomorrow, I gave a lazy ‘yes’. I don’t want people to see me in public with this no-real-job Kappa.

Me: “So why hasn’t a guy like you found a leading lady yet?”

His eyes rolled around like a Felix the Cat clock.

Chest: “It’s complicated.”

My gut sank. He has a girlfriend.

Chest: “I’m actually married, but it’s not working out.”

*PAUSE* What did you just say, Chest?

Not only is he still married, but the wife & FOUR kids live back home in St. Louis. And in his mind, things will work out, but she needs her space right now to realize how good of a man he his. FOH.

Do you know how crazy women are? In St. Louis? She might be GPS-ing him right now, then trace my mobile number and show up at my house. And then my whole family will need major bail money for going after Crazy Chic that f’d with Rhonda Mae. I’ll pass.

Me: “Married? Then why the hell are you taking this time to get to know me?”

Chest: “I like you, you’re feisty. I wanna see where this goes.”

*PAUSE* That’s called I-wanna-bang-you-because-you-look-like-the-naive-type. F–k you, Jobless Kappa.

I was so disappointed that he went this whole night without revealing such pertinent details. Where they do that at? And he managed to send me texts just about everyday after that with ‘boo’ or ‘baby’ in them. How dreadful. This is what wearing leggings will get you: other women’s husbands! I may be single, guess I’m a little naive, too…but I’m not desperate.

Single In The City

I’m back, folks! It’s safe to assume that I’ve been dragged through the Hollywood mud for the past few years, but I came up for air and I’m good now. Let’s do a quick recap:

1) Working For a Celeb
2) Living With the Elderly
3) Stuck At An Intersection. In WeHo.
4) Losing Family And Friends…I’m Alone
5) What Boyfriend?

Each of these events are significant enough to elaborate on. So if you want the juicy details, stay tuned.

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