Rules Of Attraction

I was sitting at a table near the bar engaged in foolish conversation with some girlfriends. It was still early, so the crowd hadn’t filled the dance floor just yet. Condensation dripped down the side of my drink and onto my wrist like a creeping spider. I gently placed the narrow straw to my lips, looked deeply into the bottom of my cup, and almost choked on was I saw in my peripheral: 6’2″, cocoa-toned, crisp plaid shirt tucked into creased slacks, and polished black leather shoes. “There is a God,” I thought.

Not sure if the fresh haircut or tailored pants are to blame for my lack of words, but a thousand thoughts filled my (dirty) mind. I wanted him!

Fast-forward to my recap of that evening via telephone with my favorite platonic guy friend. He stopped me mid-sentence when I mentioned the ‘loser with dirty shoes who kept trying to grind on me’ after the tall beau got my number. He said, “Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda. You single women with your ridiculous standards cease to amaze me!” Pause.

Me: “So my desire for good hygiene is a ridiculous standard? You’re telling me that you, being the dapper gentleman I know, would leave the house in Nike Air Force Ones from 2007? That’s just trifling!”

Him: “I’m not saying that, but I’m saying just because a guy’s shoes are dirty…that doesn’t make him ineligible.”

Me: “You’re crazy. Wouldn’t you feel the same way if a chick had crusty dried up gel along the edges of her weave? Or a dirty bra strap peeking out? It’s the same thing! Tell me these examples don’t parallel a guy-with-dirty-shoes.”

Him: “Wellll…”

Me: “Don’t lie.”

Needless to say, this debate lasted a few minutes. In my mind I won my case by concluding that men have a certain list of expectations they’d like a woman to meet before getting the number. Yea, though this list is significantly shorter that a woman’s, it exists.

Can we judge a potential partner based on outward appearances? I mean, is that right/fair? Why must they fulfill specific expectations and criteria?

It’s simple–the rules of dating go back hundreds of years. Do your research and discover the time periods where traditions called for both parties (male and female) to present themselves in mating rituals wearing their best adornments. Let’s call it history. Let’s call it logic! You present your best self in a job interview, so why should you behave differently in a social setting?

No, I’m not saying you should trick off your dollars for fancy labels *cough, cough, JORDAN RALPH LAUREN HERMES cough, cough*. I’m simply urging you put forth your best foot, cleanest socks, and for God’s sake, brush your teeth.

And this one’s for free; there’s a direct correlation between your smell and a lady’s likelihood to give up the panties. 

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