To Those Who Wait

“You’re just a lover out to score, and I know that I should be looking for more. What could it be in you I see?” Denise Williams, Silly

“Time has taught me that having a piece of man is better than having no man at all.” Betty Wright, After the Pain

“It’s only fair that I let you know that the man you’re in love with, he’s mine. From the top of his head to the bottom of his feet.” Shirley Brown, Woman To Woman

By listening to these song lyrics, I get the notion that females have been desperate for males since before we evolved from monkeys. And Rhonda wants to know why! First of all, I’m single and I’ve lived in Los Angeles for a little over four years. I completely, whole-heartedly, one hundred percent comprehend the viewpoints presented by women in the lyrics above. But at the same time, I have to gain a little back bone and say ‘fuck that shit’ to these songs. I mean really–what woman calls up another woman just to tell her to stop cheating with her (alleged) boyfriend so she can keep him?

I can categorize the desperation I’ve witness in two categories: there’s the woman who chases/stalks/preys on a seemingly great guy that has all the characteristics she desires in a mate (and refuses to accept his rejection). Then there’s the lady who accepts bits and pieces from whichever man will give her his time (knowing he is feeding you lies and/or you deserve better). In either case, the thirst is real and we will do what we gotta do.

I have even heard stories of ladies who are reading books (*cough cough*…by Steve Harvey), highlighting passages like they are reading the Bible, and wondering why they can’t find a husband. Bit of an oxymoron, huh?

Part of me believes these are unnecessary extremes as a result of the notion that all the good ones are taken. The other half of me wants to jump on their bandwagon to prevent becoming Carrie Bradshaw. What’s up with that?!

At the end of the day, girls, we must remain hopeful despite the odds and, uhh, what reality has presented. Just because you prayed to your deity for a tall, dapper fellow with a black Infinity and bulging biceps, doesn’t mean that’s what is BEST for you. So stop looking! Chill out, keep dating, and wait for the next man to come around. If he doesn’t sweep you away, then maybe the next one will. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one.

Yes. This is what I keep telling myself and, until I’m proven wrong, it is the truth. They say good things come to those who wait…


Rules Of Attraction

I was sitting at a table near the bar engaged in foolish conversation with some girlfriends. It was still early, so the crowd hadn’t filled the dance floor just yet. Condensation dripped down the side of my drink and onto my wrist like a creeping spider. I gently placed the narrow straw to my lips, looked deeply into the bottom of my cup, and almost choked on was I saw in my peripheral: 6’2″, cocoa-toned, crisp plaid shirt tucked into creased slacks, and polished black leather shoes. “There is a God,” I thought.

Not sure if the fresh haircut or tailored pants are to blame for my lack of words, but a thousand thoughts filled my (dirty) mind. I wanted him!

Fast-forward to my recap of that evening via telephone with my favorite platonic guy friend. He stopped me mid-sentence when I mentioned the ‘loser with dirty shoes who kept trying to grind on me’ after the tall beau got my number. He said, “Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda. You single women with your ridiculous standards cease to amaze me!” Pause.

Me: “So my desire for good hygiene is a ridiculous standard? You’re telling me that you, being the dapper gentleman I know, would leave the house in Nike Air Force Ones from 2007? That’s just trifling!”

Him: “I’m not saying that, but I’m saying just because a guy’s shoes are dirty…that doesn’t make him ineligible.”

Me: “You’re crazy. Wouldn’t you feel the same way if a chick had crusty dried up gel along the edges of her weave? Or a dirty bra strap peeking out? It’s the same thing! Tell me these examples don’t parallel a guy-with-dirty-shoes.”

Him: “Wellll…”

Me: “Don’t lie.”

Needless to say, this debate lasted a few minutes. In my mind I won my case by concluding that men have a certain list of expectations they’d like a woman to meet before getting the number. Yea, though this list is significantly shorter that a woman’s, it exists.

Can we judge a potential partner based on outward appearances? I mean, is that right/fair? Why must they fulfill specific expectations and criteria?

It’s simple–the rules of dating go back hundreds of years. Do your research and discover the time periods where traditions called for both parties (male and female) to present themselves in mating rituals wearing their best adornments. Let’s call it history. Let’s call it logic! You present your best self in a job interview, so why should you behave differently in a social setting?

No, I’m not saying you should trick off your dollars for fancy labels *cough, cough, JORDAN RALPH LAUREN HERMES cough, cough*. I’m simply urging you put forth your best foot, cleanest socks, and for God’s sake, brush your teeth.

And this one’s for free; there’s a direct correlation between your smell and a lady’s likelihood to give up the panties. 

Love, Honor, Obey, and Bullshit

Do you REALLY promise? Say yes.

Do you REALLY promise? Say yes.

After watching this week’s RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta), I couldn’t help but become deeply enraged with fury. For real! So y’all know I had to unleash it on the MacBook, right? Here goes…

First of all, I admire and respect the lovely Ms. Porsha Stewart. I see a lot of class in her, but I also see a small bit of insecurity. This week, the Housewives were upset with her decision to not go to the Vegas strip club with them. Porsha’s first reason was that Kordell wouldn’t be happy if he had known she was there; her excuse quickly became “I just don’t feel comfortable” in a matter of minutes (or so the segment suggests).

What’s the real reason? We may never know. Here’s the bottom line: Porsha wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her and Kordell’s marriage. Whether he is/isn’t okay with her going to see strippers is a totally different subject. But let’s explore the allegations of him being controlling. The ever-so-fabulous NeNe Leakes was QUICK to lead this group of ducklings in bashing Kordell. Porsha would be a fool to listen to NeNe in that aspect!

In my opinion, like breeds like. And if Porsha ends up ‘like’ NeNe by following her (unsolicited) advice, she’s gonna be unhappy and unmarried. None of the Housewives have grounds to say A-N-Ything about what Porsha should or shouldn’t do in her marriage. I will go out on a limb and say that there are only two legally-binding names on the certificate of Mr. and Mrs. Kordell Stewart’s marriage. See where I’m going with this?

Let’s not forget the basics here, though. Kordell is an ex-NFL player with money. Porsha brings a little bit of cheese to the table as well with her family’s foundation. Do they complement each other? Yes. Should she love, honor, and obey her husband’s wishes? By all means. Can this girl stand on her own without Kordell? Umm…probably not!!! However, I stand firmly in supporting his traditional relationship views.

If your man (as the head of the household, not just some long-term boyfriend) requests you to be at home with dinner waiting once he arrives in the evening, do that. If he says keep the housekeepers in check, do that. If he says it’s time to lay up and pop out all of my children tomorrow, as long as he’s the breadwinner do that. What’s the big deal? Porsha knows her place and I’m sure Kordell is content with it. Can we say the same about Greg, Peter, Apollo, Todd, or even Walter? Un-fucking-likely. Hell no.

I’m going to leave you with this thought—relationships are about communication, compromise, and contingency. As long as each person assumes their role, then less conflict arrises. When dealing with men, we as women must must must must must learn to take down our defenses if we wish to nurture healthy partnerships that lead to marriage. Remember this post??? Now shut up and go make love!

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