Recipe For My Cake, Cake, Cake, Cake

I’m going to tell you a story, so pay attention. But I have to make two points before I dive in…just play along. Okay? Ok good.

Point #1: If you know me, then you know that one of my alter-egos closely identifies herself with Rihanna. Her name is Tracy Boom. And yes, she surfaces when any Rihanna song from the past couple years plays over a stereo. I just can’t help shaking my own cakes saying, “but you wanna put ya name on it…” Call me nasty. Whatever. But this only happens when I’m alone or with close friends.

Point #2: I was on a date some time ago and the guy asked why I was still single. I gave a pretty detailed description (which made me sound pathetic) and after the date, I felt kinda lame. Here I am about a year after the fact, and men still ask me that question. It feels like a sort of precursor for the date; a way of saying, “You’re cute. You’re smart. What’s REALLY wrong with you?” Grinds my gears each time. Of course now, I have a more creative answer to make me appear less lame. (wait…am I lame???)

Now that I’ve made my points, here’s what I want to know: what’s the problem with single women? Exactly how many of us are inhibiting our inner freaks ourselves and why? Why are we still single? Why are we holding out on slicing the cake? And what does a man have to do to get some cake? Glad you asked.

Here’s my 2-cents in answering a couple of those in no particular order:

  • MEN ARE IMPATIENT – Yes I’m aware that my female associates are throwing the cookie at every direction, so it becomes the norm for guys to expect it rather quickly. Stop that shit. Ladies, make him wait little while longer, and fellas Google “courtship.”
  • WOMEN ARE PICKY – To some degree this is acceptable. But I overheard a girlfriend at dinner say, “He better not expect me to take care of him or his kid(s), he better pay for my meal, and open the car door. And he should have ‘good’ hair because mine is a lil’ nappy. And he better not be short because I stay in heels.” Hope that high horse she’s riding keeps her warm at night.
  • WE ARE BOTH TOO BUSY – Enough said. If you’re between work and sleep every waking hour, then you don’t really have time for dating. And you will be single until you learn how to balance each.
  • MEN ARE DROPPING THE BALL – This is probably the one I’ve noticed most in both mine and my girlfriends’ dating trials. In 2012, I don’t honestly expect a guy to show up at my doorstep for our date 10 minutes early with a bouquet of roses, heated seats activated in his Beamer, and a bottle of bubbly waiting at a 5-star dinner table. But he damn sure better not send a “I’m in front of yo crib” text and press the power locks on my door. No no, boo boo. Not saying men should go out of their way, but show a little courtesy and be somewhat chivalrous. That’s all I ask.
  • WOMEN HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM – I was having drinks with a group of sexy, intelligent women who were all discussing how ‘there’s no good men out here’ blah blah blah. Soon after we said that, a handsome, well-dressed group of guys sat at a nearby table. I had dibs on the chubby one already. But one sista said ‘the dark one is too good-looking for me.’ *clears throat* Excuse me? Oh man…I need another blog post for that remark. In short, I’ll just quote TLC: “Long as you know that I can have any man I want to…”

That’s all I have for now, folks. And FYI, I have a total of four alter-egos: myself, Rhonda Mae, Tracy Boom, and Josephine Strawberry.

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